Finding integrity
the bricks that we are made of
Ever since I was in middle school, I have always wanted to be smart. I always wanted to have integrity. It was a goal of mine from a young age because in my mind, at the time, I couldn’t think like the others. There was something missing in my thought process, that I didn’t get the correct answers to the more difficult questions. I wanted to think like the smartest people in my classes. I wanted to know the impressive answers - not because of my ego, but because I desired to think about the question like the smart people did.
Integrity was another goal of mine. I wanted to be able to win arguments. This paired with my desire to be intelligent. I wanted to be able to hold my own in conversations, and to win battles. As a young child, this desire came from the need to do things that I wanted while having overbearing parents. It was my survival tactic. And still is.
I ran with these desires, and I think that I achieved what I wanted. There’s some situations that remind me of how intelligent I am, which makes me proud of the work I put into myself. I wasn’t always like this.
I wanted to be bulletproof.
I wanted to know how to think about the complexities of life.
I wanted to come up with the answers to the hard questions.
I wanted to win arguments.
Integrity, to me, is saying that you’re made of brick and you actually are. It’s being able to stand in your truth and feel supported when you make an argument or are accused of something.
My integrity (and honesty) save me on a daily basis, as I get myself into some interesting conversations. My integrity shines for all to see, and they know it and trust it.
Developing my integrity made me analyze my life for years, picking our the characteristics that I wanted to keep or develop. I had ways that I aspired to interact with people. It looked a lot like picking out coats, trying them on, and reflecting on how well they fit me. Today, I still do this. I am always growing and changing. When I learn something new, I integrate it. I am always shifting.
Reading that, one may think that my personality is fake then. Choosing characteristics, and then learning them? How can that person be real? I wasn’t choosing characteristics that I felt like I needed, I chose characteristics that felt most like me. It was soul development, and still is. With each story and lesson, I am learning more and more about my soul connection. And, that’s what makes people notice me for me.
The characteristics that I chose to aspire to were deep ones, challenging ones. Such as brutal honesty, integrity, intelligence, creative thinking, and critical thinking. I want people to know truth when they speak with me, because I know truth by living my life. I love growing and becoming better, and that’s what I want for the people around me, too.
Working on integrity wasn’t an easy task. It required large amounts of vulnerability and the best listening skills. It required me to try to stand on something, only fall off of it. It required me to critically analyze the different trends or schools of thought out in the world, to observe and decide which supported the world that I wanted to live in the most.
As I worked on my integrity, my energy grew. My soul came forward, connecting with others as I walked the places where I needed to go. My energy became abundant and ever flowing, it became solid and protective. Working on integrity is working on our energy, because as soon as we start supporting ourselves that part of us grows within us. It becomes something that we can stand on. It becomes the bricks that we are made of. Then, this ball of energy within us becomes the thing that people connect with us over. We see it. They see it. It brings us closer to finding our dreams.
Having integrity is shining the way you need to, and nothing more. It’s telling the world who you are, by letting anything irrelevant bounce off into the void. Like attracts like, so eventually you’ll have friends that agree with your energy, and food, and hobbies, and jobs, and family interactions, and and adventures. It’s all waiting for you. You just have to start building your integrity.
Integrity is speaking to only what you know. It’s not making up someone else’s story, it’s not sharing an experience you never had and it’s not lying to get out of a situation. Integrity is speaking honestly and thoughtfully. It is considering the situation and finding the words that are needed in that moment. Integrity is listening more than speaking. It is considering others in your actions, when they impact them or not (not to be confused with people-pleasing, integrity looks after others in a manner that you want to be treated). Integrity is fluid and supportive. It is mindful, considering how our soul can show up for that moment. It is grounding.
Integrity allows me to be challenged, while remaining comfortable on the pile of things that I stand on. I enjoy the bricks that I am made of. I will show them to you in your challenge. Sometimes, my bricks look like yours, but fully developed - they become a reflection for you. How did I get there? Just ask.
Integrity is kindness, knowing it was what you needed all those years ago when no one offered it to you.
Integrity is being yourself, amongst the chaos.
Integrity is making mistakes, then giving yourself grace as you integrate the lessons learned for the next time it happens again. You’ll be better prepared next time.
Integrity is bringing your 6 year old self, wherever you go, showing her the world with wondering eyes and a big heart. Integrity is not being fake just to impress or manipulate someone.
Integrity is doing your soul work because it’s what you’re meant to do. It’s being where you’re meant to be.
I hope that you start to connect with integrity in your life. I hope that you take yourself seriously, because you deserve it. Nothing less.
I’d love to hear your stories about the challenges you have faced in the name of developing integrity. Maybe I’ll share more of mine in future posts.
Chasing integrity is how we learn about ourselves in this fast-paced world. It’s the work that we are meant to do.
Thanks for Being here,
D