Boundaries build capacity

It takes about 8 weeks for a nervous system to bounce back

I looked in the mirror with a smile on my face. The kind of smile when you have a light bulb moment, something that cracks your connection to reality a little more open.

This week, I learned that you can layer boundaries onto each other. I don’t have one set of boundaries, rather I have multiple sets of boundaries for different people/energies that interact with my energy. The boundaries are set at different porosities and thicknesses, to help keep my foundation of safety intact. I get to custom make boundaries for everything that walks into my life. They get treated differently to help manage that relationship, but also to create multiple layers of boundaries to protect my softness underneath all the armour.

It was while I was looking in the mirror with the smile on my face that it dawned on me “Oh, boundaries build my capacity!”. And then I felt something big shift in me. My understanding of my perspective of the world had instantly changed.

Last year, I dug myself into a deep, dark cave. One of those caves that’s filled with expansive darkness. I walked around in it for one year, exploring all the corners of it. Ruminating. Wondering. My nervous system got stuck in it for months, after I didn’t need to be in the cave anymore. And it wasn’t until about 8 weeks after I chose to put down my stress to emerge back into the light that I ended up in this exact moment.

During these last 8 weeks, I’ve been processing questions with my nervous system. Questioning our structure and our purpose. Questioning my relationships and the place I find myself living in. I’m looking for the way forward now, emerging like a phoenix out of the ashes. Renewed. Transformed. And yet, I still have the same motivation and dreams as I have had for the last three years. I am still saying yes to the Life that I’ve been yearning for.

The light feels good. I feel like dancing and smiling. I feel like doing what I want, because it’s what I want. I feel like being me again. I don’t bend to others. I don’t do something just because someone said that I should, because they think it’s best for me. I’ve grown. I am more me (somehow), and she will continue to shine and explore this world.

The road to recovery is a long one. But the nervous system can bounce back in 8 weeks. I’ve got a long way to go on this healing journey, but my nervous system is now right here with me. She’s been released from the pressures that were holding her down: She’s got capacity. I’ve got aim. Here I run towards my dreams!

Thank you for witnessing me,

D