About Trust
Trust has other roles in our life than what we see in our relationships. We need Trust.
I’ve been reflecting on trust lately. Trust was my word of the year in 2024, which pushed the boundaries of my nervous system. I forced myself to tear down walls. I allowed situations to lead me, with deep faith. Life became a friend that I usually go to war with, but we have our good moments too - and I trust them all!
Trust is important not just for the relationships that I have in my life, but trust is also good for my mindset. Trust allows me to let the wildest things happen. I can’t even count the amount of incredible things that happened within the last 12 months for me. I was talking with a friend about how April 2024 feels like one decade ago, not 12 months. One of my favourite games, in conversations where we talk about life updates, is asking people what they know about me because it has probably changed. I took so much opportunities within the last year to become more whole, it amazes me. And, I can see that Trust was part of that shift. Trust helped me meet me where I am at, and see all the opportunities that are actually there for me. Trust led me through the chaos, step by step as I walked towards my goal no matter what happened these past few months.
Trust is also the catalyst of many great ideas that I have. Idea generation requires trust, because I have to trust that I need to share whatever comes to mind. What I say initially may not have the answer, however I know that it will lead to the answer. I’ve learned to let the intuition flow and to connect the dots to find the answer. I’ve learned to trust the unfoldment of everything, including myself, my thoughts, conversations with other people, stories of other people, and adventures that I find myself on. Everything has a purpose, and I trust that whatever comes my way needs to be unfolded through my energy.
After 2024, I am still working with my trust but I see it as a skill to build on, rather than something I need to constantly work on. I am learning about how trust plays her role in my Life, and it’s amazing to witness. It’s a beautiful process that I get to play with and experience.
One way that I’m still working with trust is that I show up to write my Substack post, like this one you’re reading, and I ask myself what I need to hear this week. I trust that the information that comes through the words that I write on the page are the magic that I need that week. That’s right, I show up to the pages looking for answers, not writing about something I know about. I am knowledge seeking while I write, it’s the magic in my writing process that everyone connects with, including me.
I am grateful for my relationship with my words. I haven’t said that before. I didn’t know that it needed acknowledgement. For the last 12 years, I have dedicated myself to learning more about words and language. Not necessarily writing, but that’s part of it, because writing is using words. I’ve also been deeply studying the meaning of words, as well as the feeling of words. In my mind, I can see the visual representation of each word I use. I see the energy that they create. No wonder my readers feel my words so deeply, since when I write I am playing with the energy of my words. I used to compare it to writing a song, my writing process, because not only do I write the words but the structure of them, including repetition, definition, format, and word choice, matters too. How I structure my words is always on my mind while I am writing. I choose a single word like a songwriter will choose a musical note to fill in a gap in their melody.
Knowing how words work has been a life’s journey for me, as I took my writing self more seriously. I remember back in Grade 12, speaking with one of my teachers about a low midterm mark on the research paper that I handed in. We talked about my paper, and then I remember him saying, clear as day, “If you want to improve, I will work with you on this”. I said “Yes, I would love that”, and for the rest of the semester we worked on my writing together. Then, in university, I continued to follow this need to improve my writing. I worked with anyone who would give me tips, my professors, the TAs, and some of my friends. It was like a sickness, I needed to understand words so badly for nothing more than my own need. It felt like needing to know how words work was part of my body’s health. I needed it. Today, I see how all that work has contributed to my critical thinking and strategic thought process. I recognize how all the stories I’ve been told and writing/critical thinking tips have shaped my life. I feel how they have made me who I am today, which is pretty fucking cool.
My devotion to words has been an adventure. It’s shaped me as I left home and came tumbling all the way back into the deepest form of myself. My devotion to my words is carrying my through life. Even in my work with the horses. The difference is that the horses don’t speak English, so our conversations are silent, energetic ones sometimes filled with visuals in my mind rather than exchanged words. This could be how I know how to play with the energy of my words. The horses have built my vocabulary in energetic exchanges. In witnessed moments. In silent negotiations. How can I have such abundant conversations with a Being that hasn’t ever spoken a word of English to me? That’s been an incredible adventure in itself. And, I’m not just talking about intuition because I will hear the horses speak to me sometimes. What I am getting at is how I am able to have full conversations and understand what a horse needs or the path that they need to go, through observation and silent communication. Instead of words, we talk through shifts in body posture, silent pain, vibrations, gut health, hoof growth and movement, and so on. There are so many ways to communicate with a being that is non-verbal, and somehow I’ve incorporated those skills into the words that are written onto the pages.
I trust that my dedication to learning about words will continue to carry me through my life. It didn’t just start in Grade 12, as I remember being 5 years old and writing full stories. In Grade 12, that’s the first time I took myself seriously. And since then, there’s been more moments when I’ve had to stop and take myself even more seriously. There’s magic in being intentional about my words, just look at the magic some amazing writers, such as Taylor Swift who does the same. Pure magic. Intention. Intuition. It’s all there, and it’s the craziest adventure of my life following my words around and just learning more from them.
I hope that you are finding trust in your life, and if you have trust issues like I did I want you to know that with a little bit of faith those walls will fall down around you with just one strong glance. You got this.
Thank you for Being here,
D